In 2017, I was a cast member of the Boise This is My Brave show. So much has changed in those two years, and I'm fortunate to be a cast member again this year to share my story. The mission of This is My Brave to bring stories of mental illness and addiction out of the shadows and into the spotlight. I was at rehearsal last week and was blown away by the other cast members' stories! The show is Saturday, October 19 at 2pm at the Boise State University Special Events Center.
I also have a fundraising link here: https://thisismybrave.z2systems.com/KarenL
Everyone I know is talking about Marie Kondo and her decluttering/joy thing. I don't have Netflix, so I won't be catching any episodes of Tidying Up. I'm also already a minimalist (I used to live in a 480 square foot house) so I know how to pare down to the bare essentials. When it comes to clothing I own like 10 t-shirts and a few pairs of jeans - and if I get rid of any more furniture we'll be sitting on the floor.
HOWEVER, the concept of the show got me thinking. What about letting go of bad habits and other things that you do that don't serve you or bring joy?
Boy, do I have one of those.
This past summer, I decided to pull out my favorite piece of classical music and get it back up to speed. Not only is it my favorite song, but it's also the piece I used to audition to get into the music program in college - so it has a special place in my heart. I used to know the whole thing inside and out, front to back. It is so hard to play.
Because of Bipolar Disorder, I have memory issues and difficulty concentrating. I can play something perfectly 10 times and still mess it up on the 11th go. I can lose my place in the music, even while I'm looking at the page. It's a recipe for disaster and frustration
But I didn't know any of this back in college. I would spend hours upon hours in the practice room and just end up completely frustrated. I changed my degree from piano performance because one of the graduation requirements was a fully-memorized one-hour recital.
So, with all of that, I leave you with this. These clips are the last time I will ever play this song. I didn't even make it from start to finish. At the time I didn't know why I was hanging onto this video. But now I do. Maybe someone else needs to see this. Maybe you? Is it time to let go of something that no longer serves you?
**Starts twirling around and singing Let It Go from Frozen**
For me, classical music no longer serves me anything but a plate of psychosomatic issues. And it's time to move on to bigger and better things.
PS - In the video - when I say that this isn't fun anymore, I don't mean that everything in life needs to be a piece of cake. I think it's really important to work hard for what you want. But there sometimes comes a point where something doesn't serve you anymore and you end up serving it - It's okay to part ways. A butterfly can't crawl back into her cocoon. It's definitely not going to bring her joy. She needs to leave it behind and fly away.
After a 5 month break, I'm back making videos, and I also found a bunch of short clips hiding on my hard drive that I made that I can't wait to start posting. However, I figure it's only fair to start back up with my very own song. It's called This Is My Brave. It's the bravest thing I have ever done.
It's also admission time. I am terrible at asking for help. Like, REALLY bad. I tend to avoid it at all costs...can't tell you why, that's just how I roll. To be honest I would like to change this, so I'm tackling it one small step at a time.
I need your...HELP.
I need some peer pressure to keep this going. I have all these songs, I might as well play some shows, amiright? Please share these across facebook. Tell your friends. Also, follow me on twitter and instagram @kayjemusic.
I'm going to start posting all of the videos on Facebook that I've been putting on Youtube over the past year, plus a bunch of short clips that I take when I play. PLUS I'm going to start talking and vlogging. Please share any and all of it!
Four months ago, I wasn't strong enough to lift a bale of hay, so I would cut the bales apart and put them on the hay cart piece by piece. It's amazing how doing one small thing every day can add up over time. Self-care is no exception. What is one little step you can take today (and tomorrow, and the next day after that, etc.) to help out your future self? Pick one thing off this list and try it - I dare you: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/45-simple-self-care-practices-for-a-healthy-mind-body-and-soul/
I wanted to write a decent post, but that's just not going to happen. This picture is the best I can do for now. Life is a bit of a rollercoaster at the moment. My super awesome husband had surgery and then a bunch of surprise complications. Music is temporarily on hold. Everything is temporarily on hold. But hang tight. I'll be back at some point this year!
Sometimes things fall into place. It's like magic, if you just sit back and let it happen.
My goal for 2017 was to start a blog. There have been so many times where I started and then deleted that precious first post, trying to figure out how to introduce myself in some sort of sensical, linear order. First blog post - first impression, right? No pressure...
Ok. Well, Ihave some news to get to, so here we go.
Hi! My name is Kayje. I'm starting this blog because I have a story to tell. I grew up watching my mom suffer from Schizophrenia and then ended up also needing to get help to deal with my own anxiety, depression and complex-PTSD. For over a decade, I had no idea what was wrong, and I didn't get help because I had this terrible feeling that if I didn't know what was wrong, how could somebody else help me? For my entire life, music has been my escape and a form of therapy. More about me and the rest of this later. The goal of my blog is to join the conversation and fight the stigma of mental illness by talking about it. FYI - I don't like long blog posts, or pic heavy posts - so I will keep them short and sweet.
Introduction - check.
NEWS TIME! (drumroll please....)
I'm going to be a cast member of the This Is My Brave show in Boise!
This is pretty much what happened when I read the message:
What's This Is My Brave? Their mission is to "mission is to end the stigma surrounding mental illness by sharing personal stories of individuals overcoming mental illness through poetry, essay and original music, live on stage: Read more here: https://thisismybrave.org/mission/
Get Tickets Here: https://app.mobilecause.com/f/16ol/n
Help me Fundraise Here: https://app.mobilecause.com/vf/STAGE/KarenLidral49
There you have it. Short and sweet. I can't think of a more perfect first post.